I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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