I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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