and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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