My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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