What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
