There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out