the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
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she smelled like a LAN party
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that