Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL