Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.