Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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