Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
