I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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