Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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