pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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