the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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