You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
