hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
