nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
