I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
