Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
