Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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