can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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