Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
