he thought i was a dude.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
