you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
