next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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