I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
