Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
