Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
