Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
