he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
