I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
