You smell like stripper and shame
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
