I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
