Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how drunk are you?
Several
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
