More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
