Im at strip club and am horny
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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