Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I want a musical about memes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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