Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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