You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
