just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
