whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
