look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
