i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize