he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
