My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
