How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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