just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
