Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
