Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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