Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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