A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found puke in my bra..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
