This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
