Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
