absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
