peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
