i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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