I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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