i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
