You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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