PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
