I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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