just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
