she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
