I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
