Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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