so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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