so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
