apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize