At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
