One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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