so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
