I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
