So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
