Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
