Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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