I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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