guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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