You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
