Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
