yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
