Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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