Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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