Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
