my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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