yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize